


Helping Hand

by 4n6ry64y57r1n6834n



Category: The Last of Us
Genre: Dream Sequence, F/F, F/M, Female Alpha, First Rut, Masturbation, Omegaverse, Pining, Rutting, female alpha with a cock, first knotting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-29
Updated: 2019-10-29
Packaged: 2021-01-06 06:58:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21222473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/4n6ry64y57r1n6834n/pseuds/4n6ry64y57r1n6834n
Summary: Rut is hard for anyone - let alone when you're traveling in the apocalypse.





	Helping Hand

**Author's Note:**

> Why yes, I have brought omegaverse to _Last of Us_. I'm not even sorry.

Ellie wakes up with an erection. 

It isn't the first time that’s happened. She’s been getting erections on and off since she’d hit puberty, and that in and of itself isn’t unsettling. It just won’t go down.

She's lying on her bed roll, her face in her arms, and she's trying not to grind her hips forward and hump the bed like... well, like some kind of knot head in rut. She's never gone into rut before, but that's normal for her age. A lot of people don't get their first rut until they're sixteen, seventeen. The Alphas at the military school were all medicated; she had presented as Alpha at that point, but there was enough of a shortage of the suppressant medication that they never considered putting her on it until absolutely necessary. 

Ellie squirms, pressing her thighs together, and she glances over to see Joel leaning over their campfire, poking it with a stick. She can smell him - wood smoke, sweat, beta, leather, gunpowder. She wrinkles her nose; she's not used to being able to smell things quite so acutely, and it's a bit much. She can even smell herself, and it's... well, it's not great. She's rank, from all this time without showering, without clean clothes. There's a note of something else on her scent, something that she's unfamiliar with, and it gives her the shivers. She sighs, and she mouths at her own arm, the fabric of her hoodie bunching up under her teeth. 

"I can tell that you're awake, Ellie," says Joel. "C'mon. Let's get going."

"In a sec," says Ellie, and she tries to will her cock down. She knows how ridiculous she looks when she has an erection, and she doesn't want Joel to see. She doesn't want him to laugh at her, or worse, try to make some joke about it. They've gotten... better, since the business with David. She trusts him more than she's ever trusted another human being, and he trusts her. 

"We've got canned apricots for breakfast," says Joel. "Never actually saw an apricot, before the outbreak. Didn't think I'd end up eating so many of them at this point of my life." 

"What did you think you'd be doing at this point in your life?" Ellie sits up finally, her blanket bunched up in her lap. Her erection is hidden, more or less.

"I don't entirely know," Joel says. His expression is thoughtful, as he hands her the opened can with a spoon sticking out of it. "Being a grandfather, I guess." 

"You think Sarah would've had kids?" Ellie tries not to let any jealousy slide into her voice. She knows that this is the world they live in; someone else always had another loved one that came before you, someone else in their heart. Hell, she has people who she misses with all her soul that Joel can't replace, that she wouldn't want him to.

She tries to remember that, in her green eyed monster moments. 

"I honestly have no idea," says Joel as he holds his hands out in front of the fire. He looks like he's still cold. "I know that... y'know, she was an Omega, so a lot of people assumed that she was going to."

"Would you want her to?" Ellie chews on the apricots, and the sweetness of them seems to explode on her tongue like little bursts of light. She chews, swallows, and she licks some of the syrup off of her lips. It seems to be that much _more_ than usual, as if her senses are especially heightened. She remembers when she first left Boston, and how everything had seemed so _green_.

"Y'know, at this point I'm not sure," says Joel. "I don't want her to have had kids when I did, as young as I was. But..." He smiles, looks faintly bashful. "Being a grandpa might be nice."

"There aren't a lot of grandpas these days," Ellie says, and then she winces, and takes another bite. That wasn't really a pleasant thing to say. 

At least Joel hasn't taken it the wrong way. "I like kids," he says. "Or at least... I did." He shrugs, looks faintly uncomfortable. "I haven't seen a lot of 'em in a long time."

"Right," Ellie says, and she looks down at her lap. "I don't think I want to have kids," she says. 

"No? Any particular reason?" Joel rests his elbow on his thigh, leans his chin into his palm. 

"Well, y'know," says Ellie, and she clears her throat. "I, uh... I like girls. And girls can't always have kids together."

"You're, uh... you're..." Joel clears his throat this time, and he looks faintly embarrassed. "You're an Alpha," he says, and she knows he's embarrassed to mention her status. She's faintly proud that he's actually saying it out loud for once. "So you can... well, you could have a baby with a woman, as long as she wasn't also an Alpha. And even if she was, you can also adopt a kid." 

“Right,” says Ellie. She’s never considered herself having children, but then again, she’s never thought that far ahead. “I guess… I don’t know if it’s a good idea for me to have kids. Because of the whole being infected.” She shifts in her seat, tries not to press her thighs together, tries not to show that she’s so hard that it almost _hurts_. 

“We’ll see,” says Joel. “The Fireflies might be able to figure out how to… cure you.” He makes a vague hand gesture. As if on cue, the wind shifts direction, blowing behind her and into his face.

Joel sneezes three times in a row, rubbing his nose with the back of his hand.

Ellie tries not to blush. “That’s gross,” she says, to hide her embarrassment. 

“I don’t exactly have a handkerchief,” Joel says dryly. sneezed three times in rapid succession, wiping his streaming nose again.

Ellie rolls her eyes. At least her erection has gone down some. "Pass the apricots," she gestures, still not getting up. Maybe some food will help distract her. 

* * *

Food doesn't help. She's still hard when she eventually gets up, but at least Joel doesn't seem to notice. Her scent has gotten strong enough that she can smell herself, and that can't be a good sign. These woods have been blessedly empty, but she still worries about getting tracked by a hunter. 

She's trying not to walk funny, at least. She keeps her back straight and her hands in her pockets. She also makes a point of walking behind Joel, so he doesn't get a face full of her scent every time the wind changes. 

She's not really paying attention to him, as they pick their way through the forest. She's daydreaming about… she isn't even sure. She wants something, and she isn't sure what it is that she wants. She's got the urge to bite someone, although could that be the cordyceps? She wants to kiss someone. She hasn't done much kissing, apart from her kiss with Riley. She wants… she wants to fuck someone. Or at least, she assumes that's what this feeling is. She wants pressure and heat on her cock, wetness, friction. 

She nearly falls on her face when she realizes this, and she's blushing when Joel grabs her arm. 

"You okay?" He squeezes her arm, then let's go. 

"I'm fine," says Ellie. "Absolutely fine." She's lying through her teeth, but he doesn't need to know that.

_I've never even had sex_, she thinks as they walk through a sun dappled clearing. _How do I even know it'll feel like I'm imagining?_ She has masturbated before, with her cock and her pussy. It's nice, but not something she's pursued much since she started traveling with Joel. Everything has been too crazy, too scary, or too close quarters. She loves Joel, but… that would be weird. He’s a guy. And _old_. He’s seen her after the business with David, seen her taking a shit, seen her throwing up on herself, seen her… well. 

It would be _weird_.

* * *

They stop by a lake surrounded by trees. It looks remarkably clean, all things considered - usually these kinds of places have something dead floating in the water, or some trash, or... well, something. But the water is clear. She sees a deer drinking on the far end of the pool, a doe. There's a little fawn behind it, and she can just make out the spots on its back.

Her heart is in her throat as she watches, her whole body attuned to... everything. She can smell the deer, can smell Joel, can smell herself. She's still hard, and her underwear is sticky with... all of that. She wants. She doesn't even know what she wants, but she wants it so badly.

"We should stop here for the day," Joel says abruptly.

Ellie glances at him sidelong, frowning. "What? We've got tons of daylight left." She's not protesting too hard - it's so nice here, and the weather is warm. She doesn't swim, but the water _does_ look inviting. 

"It might do us some good to soak a bit," says Joel. "Scrub the sweat off." There's something evasive in his expression, and it's Ellie on edge.

"I don't feel that much more sweaty than usual," says Ellie. 

Joel sighs, scrubs at his face the way he does when he's especially stressed. "Ellie," he says, and she notes the strained tone to his voice. "Please don't take this the wrong way -"

"You're making me nervous when you say that," she interrupts.

"I know that you're still young, "Joel says, and he's rubbing his hands together now, "and, uh, I know I'm a beta so I'm not as... well versed in certain things."

"I cannot believe we're having this conversation," Ellie says, and she wants to stamp her feet, or maybe pace a little bit. Has she ever been this embarrassed before? Part of her wants to just... bite him, and she doesn't know if that's a sign of the infection getting worse or if she's just a Thing that happens as an Alpha. She's read romance novels talking about Alphas being seized by the urge to utterly dominate someone, but usually they're talking about whatever pretty Omega the Alpha is romancing. Not their friends. 

"We're gonna have this conversation," Joel says stubbornly, and that's one of his problems; he can dig his heels in just as deep as she can. "I think you're going into rut."

"I am _not_ going into rut! I'm too young for rut!"

"Sara was younger than you were when she went into heat for the first time," says Joel, as stubborn as ever. "I know that it was a different time, and different circumstances, but... still."

"Still," Ellie echoes.

"You smell really strong," Joel says, and Ellie is blushing so hard she's a little afraid she might pass out. "It's not your fault," he says, "and I know... people usually smell pretty bad these days. But I'm worried it might bring some hunters down on us."

"I'm sorry," Ellie says. She wants to argue with him, to protest that it isn't her fault, that she's not doing it on purpose, that _none_ of this is her fault, and anyway what the fuck does he know, he's just a beta! 

That's not fair. She's working very hard to be fair, although she's not very good at it. She will do her best, though.

"Ruts don't last that long," Joel says, and he indicates the area with a sweep of his hand. "We can camp out for a few days, relax a bit." 

"But what about -"

"The Fireflies are gonna be there," says Joel. "And I think it'd do the both of us some good to take a break." He heaves a sigh. "I'm not as young as I used to be," he says, as if he's extending some kind of peace offering.

"Fine," Ellie says, although she feels guilty almost as soon as she says it. She's being a jerk, isn't she? She wishes she could make herself stop. "Yeah, okay."

"Why not have a soak?" Joel indicates the big lake. "I can get us some dinner."

"Do I smell that bad?" She means it as a joke, but there's more than a little bit of hurt in her voice.

"Yep," says Joel, and the raw honesty of it startles a bark of laughter out of her. 

"Well, okay," says Ellie. "If I smell _that_ bad."

"You do," Joel says, and he indicates the clearing again. "C'mon. Help me set up camp." 

"You're no bed of roses yourself," says Ellie, more to make conversation than to argue.

"No doubt," Joel agrees. “I’ll go after you.” 

"So why aren't _you_ worried about Hunters finding you?" Ellie shrugs out of her backpack, setting it down on the grass.

"Because I don't smell like an Alpha in rut," says Joel.

"I'm not going into rut," Ellie repeats. "People my age don't go into rut."

"Tommy went into rut when he was twelve," says Joel. "You're at a normal age for it."

Ellie rubs her face with both hands, trying to get her thoughts in order. The irritability is moving up and down her back. Her shoulders are tense, tight enough that it feels like her shoulder blades are going to grind together like she's trying to start a fire. 

"It'll make you feel better," says Joel, and he clears his throat. "When Sara went into heat, she used to like cold baths. Tommy wasn't ever one for baths, but he took a lot of cold showers." 

"I can't swim," says Ellie. "And I'll be _naked_."

"Have you never been naked?" Joel was frowning. He was also blushing, from what she could see under all of his stupid beard. 

"_What_?" Ellie crosses her arms across her chest, shifting from foot to foot. She shouldn't be so damn embarrassed about this, and yet. "Yes I've been naked. How can I have not been naked? Everyone has been naked!"

Joel shrugs, holds his hands out in a placating gesture. "I wasn't sure," he says, and he clears his throat, looks embarrassed. "I don't... know how those military academies work. I figured maybe it was like..." He clears his throat gain. "Never mind," he says firmly. 

"I've taken showers, Joel," Ellie grouses. "How can I take a shower and not be naked?"

"That was a stupid question," Joel agrees. "Don't... worry. I won't look. Just holler if you need anything." Joel seems to be about as flustered as she is, and she isn't sure if that makes it better or worse. "Please. At least soak a little bit. It'll clean the scent off, might clear your head a bit."

"Fine," Ellie says. "Fine, I'll go... do that. Even though I think it's stupid," she adds, as she makes her way towards the edge of the lake. "And I'll have my knife," she calls over her shoulder, because... well. She knows he worries. At least she doesn't have to worry about him having any kind of... creepy interest in her. 

"You do that," Joel says, quiet enough that she can barely hear him. She resists the urge to roll her eyes, and makes her way to a more... secluded bit of lake bed. 

She should probably be more careful, but they haven't seen another person around in almost a week, haven't seen any infected in a week and a half. She's not worried about that.

She's never actually been like... naked in nature before, though. It's warm enough for her to strip off her long sleeve t-shirt off without too much complaint, taking her t-shirt with it. She leans down, unties her shoes and kicks them off, and then she's wriggling out of her jeans, pulling her socks off too and sitting there in just her underwear. The cool air is nice on her skin, and she's even shaded from the sun by the trees alongside the lake. She pauses, then strips her underwear off as well, takes her bra with it. She's naked now, and... oh. 

The cool air is nice against her overheated skin, although her cock is still too damn hard. She can almost smell herself now, although now that she thinks about it, won't her clothes still smell strongly?

She'll cross that bridge when she gets to it.

For now, Ellie puts her feet into the water, and tries not to squeal. It is _cold_, and as she wades in deeper, it feels like the coldness is creeping around just under her skin. It _is_ nicer than she thought it would be - maybe Joel is right, and she is overheating. Is that part of rut? She knows nothing about these sorts of things. 

The bottom of the lake is sandy and soft beneath the soles of her feet. She curls her toes in it, watches the sediment become disturbed and cloud up the clear water. It's so pretty that it makes her chest hurt a little, watching the trees wave in the breeze. 

Okay. So maybe Joel had the right idea.

She takes her hair out of the ponytail, and she shakes her head, letting her head patter down around her shoulders. The release from the pulling on her scalp is enough to make her shoulders untense, and she sighs, long and deep. She gets a whiff of herself, and then she sneezes. Fuck, okay, maybe she smells stronger than she thought. 

She remembers suddenly, out of the blue, a memory of Riley's first heat, and sneaking into the special Omega only ward at school. Riley had thrown a sock at Ellie’s head and told Ellie that she wasn’t supposed to be there, as she’d be driven wild by her “baser urges.” She’d said it in such a perfect imitation of their health teacher that Ellie had laughed so hard she’d had to sit down. She’d said that Riley reeked, and Riley had said it was better than Alpha stank, and then Ellie had pinched Riley and Riley had pinched Ellie back, and it had all been _okay_ again. She’d made a joke about Ellie stealing her sock to jerk off with later, to get all the “Omega essence” like in that one shitty romance novel the two of them had read aloud to each other one night, and Ellie had made pretend gagging noises and said that Riley’s feet smelled bad enough that it’d wilt Ellie’s dick right off. There had been more laughing, and then they had sat on the bed together and Ellie had beaten RIley’s ass off at poker, until Ellie had nearly gotten caught and she’d slunk back to her bedroom. 

She might have jerked off that night, remembering the deep, dark scent of Riley’s heat, as it filled her whole head up, but Riley never had to know that. Never would know that. 

She misses Riley like a limb, 

But she can jerk off, right? Get rid of the anxiety that seems to be crawling under her skin like so many ants. Maybe she's not going into rut, she's just anxious and pent up. She hasn't had a chance to get off in who knows how long. She wraps a hand around her cock, and it seems to _pulse_ in her hand. She squeezes it, pressing her thumb into the sweet spot under the head, and her hips buck forward. Her knees give out, and she ends up flopping into the water.

Her nipples go tight almost immediately, as the cold water washes over them. She whines, as her cock is submerged in the cold water. It's... not unpleasant, surprisingly enough. She bucks her hips forward, and she lets the water soak into her hair, leaning back into the cold water. She closes her eyes, and she keeps stroking her cock. Her skin is less clammy, and the pleasure seems to be coalescing in her stomach, tight and hot and desperate.

She hasn't ever been horny like this - this kind of desperate, gnawing horny. She's jerked off to fall asleep before, or gotten a sudden erection out of nowhere. But this seems to just be building and _building_, leaving her trembling. She stares up at the sky, bits of blue peeking out from between the green leaves, and she lets the dappled light play across her face.

_If Riley was here she'd make fun of me_, Ellie thinks. _Call me a dumb knothead. And then I'd tell her to suck my dick, and she'd say she'd have to find it first._

She tries to imagine Riley with her, right here. Maybe Riley sitting on the sand, water covering up her nipples. What would Riley's nipples be like? Darker than Ellie's; Ellie's are pale pink, and they're tight. She wants... what does she want? She rubs the palm of her hand across the very tip of her cock, and it twitches, sending another sweet shiver down her spine. Imagine... she can imagine Riley kissing her here. Kissing her like this, deep and long. She once read the description "soul kissing," and that's always stuck with her. Kissing so deep that you can taste someone else's soul, your soul pushing against theirs. She can't stop shaking, as her fist begins to move faster.

Kissing Riley, pressing against Riley. Their breasts sliding together, Riley's nipples would be as hard as Ellie's are, Riley's fingers in Ellie's hair. She'd always liked it when Ellie's hair was loose. And then maybe the hand on Ellie's cock would be Riley's, not Ellie's own hand, and... and... 

Ellie feels herself come - the familiar tightening, the pulsing, the heat throbbing through her, leaving her shaking and panting. Except she's still hard. She's still hard and she hasn't... like, come. Nothing has come out of her cock except more pre-come, which floats by in the current. She's still horny, still twitching and on edge. If anything, it's gotten _worse_. 

"Come _on_," Ellie says, and her voice comes out as a long whine. "Are you kidding me?!" She's still hard, her cock pointing towards her chin, and she flops back, holding her breath just in time. She almost panics at the feeling of the water closing over her face, but lets herself relax into it.

Someday, she's going to learn how to swim. Joel has promised. She's still sitting down, still settled on the sandy bottom of the lake, and she's safe like this. The water rushes into her ears, and it presses down on her eyelids. It's oddly comforting, as her hair fans out behind her. She exhales, and she shifts, as her cock stays hard, even in the water. At least the water is warmer? Or maybe she's just used to it. 

She begins to rub her cock again, holding it tighter in her fist this time, tighter than she usually like sit. She's beginning to feel like she's... stuck, like there's something that's keeping her from having a proper orgasm. She pushes through it, lets images dance through her mind. These are a bit less specific - she remembers breasts, remembers backs, hands, lips. She imagines kissing some nameless, faceless Omega, imagines sinking her cock into someone's hot, wet cunt. She's only ever seen someone's cunt from a glance when changing, and she's always been very careful to keep her eyes to herself. 

Being one of the only female Alphas at her boarding school had always been a bit of a problem; the administration wasn't sure where to put her. She had bunked with the girls, but she had been _excruciatingly_ aware of both her attraction and the fact that she can't exactly hide it. 

She bucks her hips forward, fucking up into her fist, and she sobs as she comes again, her cock twitching in her hand. Again, nothing comes out. She's never really ejaculated before, but she's never been bothered before. 

She is pretty sure she's bothered now. 

She still hasn't had a proper orgasm. She still wants to come. She still wants… what does she want? She thought it was to come, but this was beginning to feel deeper, in a way that she can't explain. 

Ellie sighs, wraps her hand around the shaft of her cock, begins to stroke again. 

* * *

Ellie staggers back to camp some unknown period of time later, wrinkly and still turned on. Her cock is tender and _still_ hard. Her whole body seems to be thrumming with desperation, but nothing she does seems to have any impact. She is almost desperate enough to ask Joel if he's ever experienced this. He isn't an Alpha, it's true, but he's got a dick.

… She isn't quite that desperate yet. 

Joel is sitting on the edge of the camp, skinning a rabbit. "Good soak?" 

"Yeah," Ellie says, and she sits down by the fire. The smell of the smoke washes over her, and that seems to help a little bit. She rubs her face with both hands, trying to clear her head. "Can't you get sick if you eat too much rabbit?"

"You wanna eat more canned beans?" Joel sits back on his haunches. 

"Well, no," says Ellie. "I like rabbit."

"That's good," says Joel. 

There's an awkward silence, and then Joel clears his throat. "You, uh… you doing okay?" He rubs his hands together, and he looks nervous.

“I’m fine,” Ellie says, which is a blatant lie, but she isn’t really ready to have that conversation right now. Or possibly ever. 

“Tommy had a similar problem, his first rut,” says Joel. “Although he was a lot less… pleasant than you’re being.” 

“There’s some kinda irony to that,” says Ellie, and she rests her elbow on her thigh, her chin on her hand. She’s trying to ignore her erection, pressing against her thigh and trapped in her jeans. 

“Is there?” Joel is cutting up the rabbit. She doesn’t know what it is that he’s doing, but he’s cutting up the rabbit, skewering it on sticks he must’ve gathered while she was having her bath. 

“... I dunno,” Ellie says, and she shrugs. “So… we gonna eat soon?” She’s starving. Another thing her body wants. Sometimes it feels like she’s just a body; a body that will synthesize some kind of vaccine, a body that wants food, a body that wants sleep, a body that wants to fuck. 

It’s not a nice feeling. She likes to _think_ she’s got some kind of higher purpose than that, but if she’s learned nothing from the apocalypse, it’s that people really are just bodies. Maybe that's why the cordyceps takes root in them. 

"You okay, Ellie?" Joel pulls her out of her thoughts. 

"Sorry," Ellie says, and she's staring into the fire now. It isn't exactly dark out, but the shadows are getting longer. "Lost in my thoughts."

"What kind of thoughts?" Joel approaches the fire, and he has the skewered rabbit meat. 

"People are bodies," Ellie says with some finality. 

"... Right." Joel sounds a little lost. He sits on the other side of the fire, carefully arranging the rabbit. "How about you keep an eye on this while I go take a dip myself?" 

"Sounds like a plan," Ellie agrees. She's cooked rabbit like this before. It'll give her something else to concentrate on. 

* * *

Ellie rubs herself off through her jeans. She doesn't know why she's even doing it: this feels gross, but she is just so fucking _desperate_. She keeps an eye on the rabbit over the fire as another orgasm ripples through her, and she still hasn't actually ejaculated. She's almost crying from frustration or desperation or… something when Joel comes back, his hair wet. 

"You okay?" He shoots her a concerned look. 

"Fine," Ellie says, and she keeps her tone clipped and flat. "Perfectly fine."

"Right," says Joel. "Well. The rabbit seems about done."

"Right," Ellie echoes, and she licks her lips. "Yummy."

* * *

"Y'know," Joel says, a few hours after they’ve finished eating, "if you'd ask me what I'd miss most if the world ended, I don't think I would've said "oregano.''

"I've had oregano," Ellie says, her voice drowsy. She's lying flat on her belly, her chin on her arms. She's staring into the fire, and she's trying not to hump the bed roll. She hates being this horny, wishes she had some kind of… off switch. Anything to quiet the desperation that's clawing through her. It feels almost like what she imagines being infected would be like - actually infected, not whatever it is that she is. 

"Garlic powder," says Joel. "Would've gone well on that rabbit. Or basil."

“Basil,” Ellie echoes. “What does basil go well with?” She’s still grinding against the bedroll, and she hates it, but she can’t seem to stop.

“Basil is good with eggs,” Joel says, and he sounds sleepy. They’re both tired. 

They’re safe here - they’ve got noise traps, their guns are in easy reach, and again, there haven’t been any infected or hunters in days. They’ve also got their guns in easy reach. 

They’re as safe as they can ever be. 

“Eggs,” Ellie agrees, and she rolls onto her back. The sky is turning deep colors, and she watches the clouds drift across the sky. 

“How do you like your eggs?” 

“I don’t know,” Ellie said, still drowsy. “I guess… they’re eggs. What can you do with eggs?”

“You can do a whole bunch of stuff with eggs,” says Joel.

He’s just… talking to her. There’s a slightly nervous note to his voice. It creeps into his voice sometimes when he’s worried she’s upset about something - it’s been there since she killed David. 

She knows why he's doing it, intellectually. She's done it with other people before, trying to pull them out of any kind of funk. She's never been especially _good_ at it, but at least she's tried. She isn't sure if she's touched at his attempt, or just tired. 

She wants to _come_. They'd never talked about this kind of thing, when she was in health class at that stupid boarding school. There had been mentions of "managing" things like heat and rut, but everything had been very... vague.

"We should go fishing tomorrow," says Joel. 

"Shouldn't we be heading towards the Fireflies? Y'know, in Utah?" Ellie presses her thighs together. Her cock is drooling pre-come. 

"We need a rest," Joel says firmly. "We'll get there."

"I've never gone fishing," says Ellie. "Do we even have any stuff to go fishing with?"

"Yep," says Joel. "I've got a hook and some line in my bag."

"Well," says Ellie, "you've thought of everything, haven't you?" She lets her eyes droop shut, trying to even her breathing out. She's trying to be calm. Trying to be... sleepy. She's trying to be okay. Trying to be normal.

"I taught Sarah how to fish," says Joel. His voice is quiet. "She always felt guilty about killing the fish."

"I don't think you're gonna have to worry about that with me," says Ellie. She's... prickly now. Why is she prickly. She groans, covers her face with both hands.

"What's wrong?" She can hear him sitting up.

"I... you ever feel like you have so many feelings and half of 'em aren't actually, like, fair?" Ellie sits up, resting her elbows on her thighs. The moon is shining down on them, as bright as a spotlight. 

"Feelings aren't usually fair," says Joel. 

"I can't really argue with that," Ellie agreed. 

"Are you... are you okay?" Joel clears his throat, and he sounds embarrassed. "Your rut. Is it going -"

"It's fine," Ellie interrupts, before he can continue on that train of thought. "It's fine. Great. Rut-tastic." 

"Rut-tastic," Joel echoes, and his voice is dry. 

"Exactly," Ellie agrees.

Joel snorts. "Get some sleep," he tells her. "I'll take first watch."

"You sure?" She's so keyed up she's a bit worried she won't be able to sleep at all.

"Rut takes it out of you," Joel says firmly. "I remember what Tommy used to be like when his hit. He'd strip naked, sleep and... well, he'd deal with it." Joel sounds embarrassed now. 

She flops down again, slides under the covers and wriggles out of her pants. She’s in just her underwear now, and she, lets her eyes slide shut. She tries to ignore the desperate pulsing of her groin, the way her skin seems to be able to pick up every rough spot on the blanket. She's uncharitably jealous of Tommy - imagine, getting to just _be_ naked, lying there in your own skin. Imagine being able to luxuriate in that kind of solitude, the ability to not have to worry about having to survive....

Ellie sighs, rolls onto her stomach again, and she's not even aware that she's beginning to drift into sleep. 

* * *

Ellie dreams. 

She dreams of chasing, of running hard and fast, running through the streets of Boston. Her feet leave dents in the concrete, and she towers over the buildings. She's like a kaiju in one of those old monster movies that Riley showed her, and she throws her head back and roars. She's wearing a werewolf mask now, or maybe it's her face; she can't tell. She's so big, so strong, and she wants _so_ badly.

The city turns into some vast savanna, somehow, and she's still a great creature as she runs and runs, and there's a woman there, a woman who might be Riley, might be the pretty woman she saw on the cover of a magazine once, might be some mix of features that Ellie has seen, beautiful and different and almost terrifying. Ellie presses close to this woman, and they're in the water now, they're in the water of the lake, and Ellie is normal sized again, or maybe the lake is huge. She's under this woman, staring up into her face, and you're not supposed to be able to smell in dreams, but she can smell her. She can smell the woman, and it's deep, mixing in with the scent of the water.

Ellie moans, and she's naked now, her cock pointing up towards her chin, her heels digging into the silt of the riverbed. The woman grinds against Ellie's cock, and she's slick and hot against the shaft of it. Ellie is so sensitive that she's _crying_ in the dream, ugly crying, and the woman holds on to her face, the woman slides down onto her cock, and she's so tight, she's so wet and slick and smooth inside. 

Ellie feels the woman get tighter, and the woman's face is Riley's now, she's kissing Riley, she's kissing that stuck up soldier, she's kissing Tess, she's kissing Marlene, it's all a flicker of images that are all the same, because there's a hot, wet cunt around her cock, and there's a mouth against her own. She whimpers into it, and she thrusts up.

And then the body on top of hers goes too hot, fever hot, and there are teeth biting into her face. When she opens her eyes, it's Riley's face again, but it's after the infection took hold, and it isn't Riley behind the eyes anymore. Ellie realizes, to her horror, that she's still humping up into the body, and it's fever hot, the way Riley got towards the end. Riley growls and her cunt squeezes Ellie tighter, as she lunges for Ellie's neck, her fingers tearing into Ellie's sides. 

* * *

Ellie wakes up, and her face is wet. She's still slick between the legs, her cock hard. She moans, and she sits up, rubbing her face. She's sobbing before she really realizes what's coming out of her mouth, sobbing like her heart is breaking. She clutches at her sides, where Riley's fingers tried to get to her soft guts, and she wails like she hasn't since she was a baby. 

She freezes when Joel wraps his arms around her, and then she's sobbing into his shoulder, wet, ugly sobs that soak into the collar of his shirt. 

"Sh, sh, I know, baby girl," Joel says, and his voice vibrates through her chest. He rocks her, nuzzling into her temple, and she keeps crying. "I know, it's okay..." He's making vaguely comforting noises, and she presses her nose into his neck. His beard is ticklish against her cheek, and if it were any other man she'd already be snarling at him.

But it's Joel. Joel is someone she trusts, Joel would never try anything, it isn't like with David, it isn't like with all of the leering creeps who have laughed at her for being an Alpha, who have been grabby, who she's had to snarl and punch and bite to _leave her alone_.

Her skin is too hot, too tight. Her cock is still achingly hard, and Joel _has_ to be able to feel it. She's not wearing any pants, and he has to be able to see her hard cock through her underwear. At least he isn't saying anything about it, as she curls closer to him and cries. 

Joel rubs her back in easy, circular motions, and she shivers against him, sweating through her shirt, still snuffling. "You wanna talk about it?" His voice is ticklish against her skin.

She shakes her head, and she squirms. She's half in his lap, and her cock is pressed into his lower belly. He has to be able to feel it, as he holds her like this. At least he's being diplomatic enough to not comment. Although how would he even comment on that in the first place? She tries to imagine him saying something, draws a blank, and that brings a spluttery, wet laugh out of her that makes him make another concerned noise. 

"You okay?" He cups her cheek, wipes the tears dripping off of her cheek with his thumb.

She nods, sniffles again. "I... had a bad dream," she says. 

"Yeah, I know the hormones being all worked up can shake things up a bit," he says. "Sara had odd dreams, when she was in heat. She used to sleepwalk." Ellie sighs, as Joel keeps rubbing her back. She's still shaking, and she realizes that her cock is twitching against his thigh. 

Oh _god_. 

"I'm not gonna sleepwalk," she promises. She presses closer to him against her better judgement. She misses being touched, misses the easy intimacy she shared with Riley. She didn't have it growing up, and then there was that brief time, and now... well. She clings to Joel, her fists wrinkling his shirt, and she starts crying again, harder. She can't breathe, as she lets Joel rock her and nuzzles into his neck. He's warm, and she can feel his heart beating against her own chest. 

"Okay, good," says Joel. He clears his throat, and he shifts. He smells uneasy, and that is making her nervous. She doesn't want to let go of him, though. She's craving physical affection more than she ever has before. Is that part of being in rut? She doesn't like it. 

Ellie sighs, and Joel squirms, adjusts his grip on her. "I'm sorry," she says quietly.

"What are you sorry for?" Joel sighs, and he's still tense. 

"Well," says Ellie, "I know this whole rut thing is making shit awkward as fuck."

Joel shrugs. "I grew up with an Alpha," he reminds Ellie. "You're not the first one. At least you're not being obnoxious about it."

"I dunno how I'd be obnoxious about it," Ellie says, and she squirms. She's going to have to let go of him soon. As nice as it is to have physical contact, her body is reacting to being so close to another human body. Even though it is _Joel_, who is... the opposite of sexy, as far as she's concerned. 

"A lot of Alphas find a way," Joel says. He brushes her hair off of her forehead, and he clears his throat. "It's, uh, it's none of my business, but... have you been having any trouble with... any of that?" 

Ellie wants to say _it's fine_ or maybe _that's a weird thing to ask_ or... who even knows what. Her heart is beating very fast, and her mouth is very dry. 

"It's not... when I try to..." She's blushing, her whole face getting dark red. She can feel the heat of it, throbbing through her face. "I haven't been able to..."

"Is your, uh... is your knot not popping?" It was such an awkward question that Ellie kind of wanted to die. 

"No," Ellie said. "it isn't. I don't know... what I need to... " She was beginning to sniffle again, and she hates that. Isn't part of being an Alpha being big and tough and strong? Why is she being so over emotional? 

"I can... I've helped other Alphas with this kind of thing," Joel says. His voice is very gentle, and his back is very stiff.

"What do you mean by help?" Ellie really wishes her voice would stop shaking. She's not sure if he's offering something, if she's imagining it, if she's about to fuck something up, or _what_.

"I... I can help you... get there," says Joel. "Or if you're doing something wrong..." 

"Is there a wrong way?" She licks her lips, and she shudders as he keeps rubbing her back. She can smell his anxiety. Anxiety, but no arousal. That helps. Knowing this isn't turning him on, whatever _this_ is, helps.

"There... well, sometime these things can be... difficult. And I can... I know how to help." 

"How to help?" She sighs, and she holds on to his shirt. Her nose is dripping, and her eyes burn from all the crying. 

"I can... I can tell you," he says. "Or... I've helped Alphas with ruts before. With my..." He clears his throat, and the sound of it goes through her whole body. 'With my hands," he says. "Or my... mouth." 

"Your _mouth_?" Ellie tries not to sound so shocked. She knows that's a thing that people do, but... _Joel_?! "Why?" 

"When someone you care about needs help, you do what you can." Joel says it as if it's the most basic thing in the world.

"But... there's help and there's... _that_," says Ellie. "You're a beta, why would you..."

"We're not just our designations," Joel says, and his voice is thick. "We're more than our bodies. If we just followed them, we'd be no better than the infected."

Ellie freezes, and Joel sighs, a long, gusty sigh. "Is it worse because I'm infected?" Ellie's voice is very quiet, and she hates the arousal that's bubbling up inside of her. 

"No," says Joel. "You're having an especially... strong rut, but I've seen worse." He chuckles, and it rumbles down deep in Ellie's bones. 

"What if the infected, like... go into heat? Is this a sign that I'm getting worse?" She's never even thought of that, not really.

"I've never seen an infected in heat, or in rut," says Joel. "I think you need to... be fully working for that. The cordyceps fucks with the hormones." 

Ellie tries to get the mental image of a Clicker in heat out of her head, but that just reminds her of the desperate thudding of her cock in her underwear, and how desperate she needs... whatever it is she needs. To pop her knot? To fuck something? 

"I can help you," Joel says again. "To get it done quicker, I mean."

"Quicker," Ellie echoes. "With... how?"

"I can use... I can help you with my mouth or my hands." He gives a little awkward laugh. "Like I said - you're not the first Alpha in rut I've helped."

"I'm... that..." Ellie licks her lips. "Would it get it done quicker?" She doesn't want any more of this, loath as she is to admit it. She doesn't want him to think that she _wants_ him to do this, but she also... she doesn't want to keep staying this worked up. And he's helped her before.

Would this be different? 

"Usually a rut starts to calm down after you... finish, yeah," says Joel. His voice is quiet. She can _smell_ how embarrassed he is. It's making her head spin. Or maybe it's _all_ making her head spin, and she just can't think. She's sweating, and she realizes with some horror that she's been grinding her hips, just a bit.

"You can really help?" She wishes she could stop repeating herself.

"I can really help," Joel tells her.

If it was anyone else, she would think it's a ploy. Some kind of creepy, uncomfortable ploy from the Davids in the world, except for the fact that... _it's Joel_. Joel doesn't look at her like that, and she _knows_ Joel isn't interested in her like that, and that helps, but it's still... 

"Okay," Ellie says quietly. "If you can... if you can fix it."

"I can help," Joel says. "But I'll need to touch you. Like that." More embarrassment. "Back in... before, they used to have people who helped folks. Alphas or omegas, if they were having trouble. Some of 'em would come to your house. Some of 'em were at special centers." 

"Was this kind of trouble... normal?" It's weird for Ellie to think that she's not the first one to deal with this. 

“It can be,” says Joel, and then he’s shifting. “You can just… lean back against me, hold on.” There’s a bit of rearranging, until she’s sitting between his spread legs, and his chest is against her back. It’s a bit like he’s surrounding her, his scent and his big body.His hands are resting on her thighs, and her erection is clearly visible, leaving a wet spot in her underwear. 

The pale vulnerability of her bare legs next to his denim covered ones is enough to bring a lump to her throat, although she doesn’t know why, exactly.

“You can, uh… you can just relax, think of something nice,” says Joel. “I can… tell you what I’m doing, so you can know for the next time.” 

“How do you… how is it different?” Joel’s hand is moving towards the inside of her thigh, and she stares over towards the lake, where the water is rippling. She can smell Joel, the campfire the acrid desperation of her rut. She shivers when his hand hovers over her cock, just close enough for her to feel the warmth.

“For your knot to pop, you need to… stimulate certain parts,” says Joel. “Some Alphas know it instinctively, but some… not so much.” He pauses, his hand still hovering over her. “Do you want me to… can you take…” His finger traces over the waistband of her underwear. 

Ellie’s hands are shaking as she slips her fingers into the elastic, and she pushes it down, under her cock. It springs forward, and she wants to cover herself, so that he can’t see. But he’s seen other Alphas before, and he’s seen _her_ before, in various states of undress. The two of them have been close enough to have to deal with nudity before. He’s treated wounds on her, she took care of him when he was sick; if she knew how to draw, she’d be able to map out just about every scar on his body from memory. He’d probably caught glimpses of her cock before, helping her tend some wound or another.

But she’s hard now. She’s hard, and she looks at his hand, as it goes to her cock. Then he’s wrapping his hand around it, gently. The heat of his hand is a shock, and she shakes against him. “You need to… pay attention to this spot over here,” he says, and his thumb is right under the head of her cock, where it’s the most sensitive. He does something twisty with his wrist, and her whole body seems to _clench_, as more pre-come drips out of her, and he’s squeezing the head of her cock in his hand. He has different callouses on his hands than she does, and his hands are so much _bigger_. He’s got both his hands on her, but her cock is small enough that he’s only really got the lower part of his hand around the sweet spot under the head of her cock. 

Ellie humps into his hand awkwardly, and she’s so embarrassed,but it feels so _good_, pleasure building and building. She’s sobbing now, tears dripping down her face, and terror is starting to claw its way up her throat. This can’t be right, can’t be normal. There has to be something wrong with her. The cordyceps has done _something_ to her, and she’s broken. “I don’t have a knot, this can’t be right, this can’t be… I don’t have a knot, I can’t, I must be… it won’t pop, it’s not gonna... “ 

“I can feel it,” Joel says, and his voice is quiet. He lets go of her cock, and the night air is cold after the sweaty closeness of his palm squeezing her. “Right here.” His fingertips are at the base of her cock, stirring up her auburn pubic hair. “Right here. It’s getting thicker.”

“I don’t… Joel, there’s something wrong with me, I know it…” She’s sobbing, the pleasure building. It’s too much - it’s more than she’s ever felt before, so much more than her own hands. He’s so _big_. 

“Sh, sh, baby girl…” Joel’s hands leave her cock, go to cover her hands, and then he’s guiding one of them to her cock. “Here we go, see. Look.” 

She squeezes, her hands shaking, and she can feel the thickened base. It’s beginning to bulge out, and she can feel the tightness of it, the way it’s almost there, like when her knuckle is just about to crack. Her sweat is mingling with her tears, and her nose is probably running, to match the pre-come that’s dripping down, smearing on her thighs. Joel’s hand closes over hers, and it’s guiding her up and down, as his other hand goes to the head of her cock again, swiveling. 

Ellie is drawing tighter, her whole _self_ centered on the pressure building at the base of her spine. She bares her teeth, tossing her head, and she’s almost beyond embarrassment, as Joel’s wrist speeds up.

“C’mon, baby girl, you’re okay. It’s okay, you’re almost there.” Joel’s voice is soothing, rumbling through her back, and his hands are moving perfectly against her. She’s starting to _drool_, and before she knows what she’s doing she’s biting his shirt. There’s no flesh, just fabric, and her teeth sink into it. She whimpers as something… she doesn’t know what’s happening, but then the pressure finally breaks, and she sucks in a deep, gasping breath as she _comes_, finally. 

Her knot pops.it’s an almost unpleasant sensation, so much more than anything she’s ever felt. Her cock is spurting across Joel’s hands, and he’s saying… something, she doesn’t know what, she can’t hear it over the rushing in her ears. Her cock is still twitching, more come coming out of her, and Joel’s fingers are delicate against her knot, pressing down and forcing more come out. She squeezes as well, and she’s drooling into his shirt as more come drips out of her. 

“There we go,” see, there it is,” Joel says, and his voice is surprisingly sweet. “You’ve got a knot. You’re okay. It’s okay.” He cups her cheek, and he’s getting some of her come on her face, but that’s okay. She nuzzles into his palm, and some of the… everything in her head has finally gone quiet. She’s still shaking, 

“I’m sorry,” Ellie mumbles. She’s limp and boneless against him, as he keeps holding her. He’s let go of her cock, and she’s going to need to tuck it away soon. But right now, she’s going to let him keep holding her like this.

“Don’t be,” says Joel. “Like I said. You’re not the first Alpha I’ve done this for.” He wipes his hand on his pants, and he kisses her on the cheek, gently. “You should get some rest,” he says. “Rut takes it out of you.” He rubs her belly now, and there’s come on her shirt. “Will you be okay for the next time?” 

“I… should be,” she says. “I’ll come get you if I need any help, I promise.” She tucks herself back into her underwear. She’s already falling asleep, her head full of the scent of him. 

“I got you,” he says, and his voice rumbles through her, as he cradles her in his arms.


End file.
